Emberlight Values Series: Mutual Accountability & Personal Responsibility

Embracing Mutual Accountability starts with Personal Responsibility. If there were ever a time when that was not only more needed, but more supported, it is now. As systems and ways of life are dismantling around us and life has decided to wake us to the power of the moment, we are often left feeling there are no stable answers to “what do I do now?” That’s when taking a deep breath, getting quiet and discovering anew who we are and what is important to us can become our guide.

Taking responsibility for past choices without judgment but with curiosity and tenderness leads us into deeper knowing of what really matches who we choose to Be. This opens wider awareness of what is possible. It opens an invitation to whoever is in front of us to stay connected and gently explore what they need. It allows us to create what has not yet been, what is fulfilling and joyful, or at least calming. 

Photo by Julie Sd on Unsplash

In other words, personal responsibility is a key to moving forward in this time of uncertainty. And within that is the foundation of personal worth, self-awareness, self-appreciation and self-trust.

This picture by Julie Sd on Unsplash reminds us of self-appreciation and sovereignty within connection.

For most of us the old systems and beliefs that we grew up not questioning were often based in looking outside of us for the cause of any experience. “You made me so angry!” “I had to leave because you were so…” “I can’t say that because they will think….” “The government (teacher, religion) doesn’t allow me to…” etc. In each of those we have no control over what is influencing, creating our life. We have no power. As Steve Maraboli writes in Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience, “The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” As Nelson Mandela said, “It is what we make out of what we have, not what we are given, that separates one person from another.”

Knowing who you are in a given moment is the first step to taking personal responsibility. What capacity do you have in time, energy, money, knowledge, ability to focus and be present, level of interest and your nervous system strength to hold discomfort? Asking for what you need to bring your full-capacity self into the situation is a gift to others and to yourself. Another usually overlooked part of knowing is to own your relative power in the situation. Do you have more or less authority? Knowledge? Privileged life experience? Social status? Allies? Sometimes stating that awareness out loud brings more safety for all.

And in it all, remember your unique, irreplaceable Being of Universal Love that shines into any situation and holds answers that support your highest good. Here’s one of my poems in that light, “Self-Appreciation.”

Emberlight's values series is brought to you by the BE= belonging + equity team and this month's offering was written by Kathryn Brewer